This article is one of those rare articles, in which Lady Lydia has permitted rude comments. Many a time this article gets deleted, but still if you search you might get it. Meanwhile, thecurrent link to this article is here.
Earlier, this article was on the side-bar, but I guess it was attracting more negative comments so it has once more been relegated to obscurity. (Actually her comments, her humour and spirit in attack are quite amusing)
Dissenting views:
I decided to collect "dissenting views" (which are often rude comments) here and keep it on one post. Readers are welcome to give a ready answer for the reason of the hope that is in you, regarding the role of wife, mother and homemaker! Just remember not to slip into the same kinds of insults as the dissenters dish out.
Christian Feminist says:
It's Christian feminist again. I decided to write one last time because I was absolutely appaled by your post on boys not whistling after women anymore, which you regret so. Dear "lady" Lydia ( by the way, did you know that only the daughters of British earls, marquesses and dukes are entitled to use the title Lady before their name? something tells me you're no aristocrat, so why call yourself that? a craving for titles? how pathethic..by the way, I'm a real aristocrat, with family tree dating back to the XIV century, and with ancestors who held high positions at princely courts since the XVIIth century, but I don't brag about that and I never use my title. In a democracy, titles are ridiculous ) A woman who desires to be whistled at is no lady. In my mind she is more likely a harlot. HOW DARE YOU criticize women who choose to dress according to modern fashion and don't wear the long, baggy, loose and shapeles things you call " feminine dress"? How dare you suggest that women invite assault and rape by the way they dress, and at the same time you regret men don't whistle after women anymore? If any woman invites rape, it's you with your twisted, perverse way of thinking. In my country, women are still whistled after. Everytime this happened to me I felt nothing but contempt for those pathethic men who used that way of gaining my attention. At the same time, I felt extremely unconfortable, like a piece of meat drooled after by hungry dogs. If you enjoy being whistled at, you enjoy tempting men to sin, you enjoy their lust. What a hypocrite you are, whit your rantings about modesty and femininity! And your position on modern fashion is so ridiculous, it's obvious you never read Vogue or Elle! Today's fashion offers plenty dresses and skirts which are beautiful and sexy and show women's beauty. There are great outfits which include pants and business suits and women are certainly not confused with men by the way they dress. In fact, your "feminine clothing" is long, shapeless and has made me, my mom and friends, laught a lot. If you like so much the fashion of the past, I suggest you wear it! Because it was more beautiful than the things you wear now! I really have no words to describe what your post on whistling made me feel. A psychiatrist would understand and explain the contradiction between your perverse desires and your rantings. What bothers me about your lot is the way you are so judgemental and critical of anyone who doesn't fit into your narrow standards. As Christians you should be full of love and you're full of hate. As Christians, you're not supposed to judge others, but you do. Read your Bible, "lady" Lydia! I suppose you're some kind of presbyterian; in any case, you're obviously protestant As an Orthodox, for me your doctrine is heretical, but I've never presumed to say that if you follow your doctrine you're bound to hell .God, not us, is the judge of that. So it bothers me enormously to see you so critical and bitter about all those who don't follow your path. Live and let live! My personal opinion is that women are free to chose, but on some level I think it's so much easier for lazy, not very gifted women to stay at home, do some housework and be kept by their husbands. You chose the easy way and justify it by your interpretation of Scripture. Fine, but don't impose your choice as the right one! A real man wants a strong woman, a partner, not a brainwashed doormat. It's only insecure men who need to feel that they're the leaders all the time. Weak men need to dominate weaker individuals in order to feel strong. That's why they insist on having slaves aka submissive wives.
This is really my last comment. I always thought you were a narrow-minded, mean-spirited, frustrated woman, but by your post on whistling you proved a perverse, harlot-side even I never suspected. Well done, "lady" lydia!!!!
Lady Lydia says:
Dear Romanian Lady,
Before Jennie Chancey and I formed the site "Ladies Against Feminism" (LAF), we and a number of other women belonged to an online group called "Victorian and Edwardian Ladies Society," where one of the practices was to prefix your name with the word "lady".
We had Lady Jennie, Lady Susan, Lady Lydia, and lady this or that--everyone addressed themselves as lady, to indicate a more mannerly and genteel way of life that we were trying to import. This trend spread, and now I still see it on many of their blogs, where they sign their names with the word "lady."
It just means lady -like and doesn't imply a title at all. There is no rule or law that says you must be royalty in order to have that word in front of your name.
In past centuries, almost all women were addressed as ladies, and it didn't mean royalty. However,as many of us are Bible believers, we know that when we follow the teachings of Christ, we are daughters of the King, and can be princesses or ladies if we like.
Perhaps you would rather I call myself "Princess" instead of "lady." It began as a tongue-in-cheek kind of joke, but the name stuck, and it goes so much better with Lydia.
You dont have to have official papers in order to use the word lady in front of your name. In the Victorian and Edwardian Ladies Society, we always used the word lady if we were members of that group.
When we formed the site LAF Jennie wanted me to have a column there dealing with some subjects I had sometimes posted on the Victorian and Edwardian Ladies Society, and so she called it "Lady Lydia Speaks" and the name stuck.
Lady Lydia says:
Actually I don't mind at all if you post but could you do it without personal insults? And did you read any of the links that were recommended to you the last time you visted? Also, why dont you brew yourself a nice pot of fragrant tea, pour it into a delicate tea cup and sip it while you go through the theme articles. A couple of them are really inspiring: When Queens Ride By is the story of a woman who who was inspired to put on a pretty dress and bake some bread and make a hot meal for her husband, having already cleaned the house and made it a wonderful place for him to come home to. He was enduring a lot of uncertainty in his life, and this gesture helped him get through it. Keeper of the Springs is such an important article because it shows what happens when women leave the home to pursue the hunt with men, and how they become more like the men with their smoking, drinking, foul language, and such. Please read it. One other is the article by Taylor Caldwell called "Women's Lib" in which she showed how women working would cause men to stop taking care of them and stop protecting them, and how many men would become lazy and delicate, claiming they had "bad backs" and staying home while their wives worked and paid for the house, etc. Just go through the whole side bar of theme articles and you'll come to a much better understanding.
Also as a feminist I know you are concerned about poverty and inequality, so I was wondering how are you helping the orphans in your country? Speaking of religion, the Bible describes the purest kind of religion as:
James 1:27 " Pure religion and undefiled before God and the Father is this, To visit the fatherless and widows in their affliction, and to keep himself unspotted from the world."
So Lady of Romania, what are you doing to have this pure religion in your life? Are you visiting the orphans and the widows, and easing their affliction? I understand that Romania had a very severe orphan problem but hid it in order to become a member of the European Union. I, and others, send money monthly to some of the orphans in Romania and the Ukraine, in order that they might have some comforts in life.
Regarding Vogue: I posted a new design from their sewing catolog on the latest post, if you care to look. The fashion I was wearing in the picture is identical to one of their latest designs, if you care to click on the link. The magazines you mentioned are more expensive than books, and they don't add to the decor of the home nor help anyone in my home. I avoid them, as they put unrealistic expectations upon women regarding their appearance.
Christian Feminist says:
As I mentioned before, my mom is a doctor and untill school I was raised by a nanny. However, this did not affect me in any way. I always had a great mom and never lacked kisses and tender moments, in fact I had more than the usual share. Some even considered me spoiled by my parents.
All the people I know went to daycare or had nannies and that didn't prevent them from having great mothers. A child spends in daycare about 8 hours, that's just the time their mothers spend at work. The rest of the time they're together.
And again a double standard: a child's father can work and you don't consider he's neglecting his children. He sacrifices himself to provide for them. how about the need for 2 incomes?
I would never subject my children to poverty or want just so I can stay at home and not be bothered with the real life. "Real life with real people" is what me and the millions who work and have a family are living.
It's you who are hiding from the world and who live in a fantasy of the past that was never really the way you describe it.
You're obviously terribly afraid to live in the big bad world and you find a refuge in your pretty pink home. You're so afraid that you're trying to prevent others from living real life. The life you offer women is one of perpetual minority, an eternal childhood.
They never really grow up: from father to husband to son, they're always dependent on a man. They're not fit to face the problems of life. If their husbands die or desert them, what can they do to make ends meet?
They can become a burden on others ( brothers, sons, church members0 God forbid they should be self reliant and independent and able to earn their own living!)
Lady Lydia says:
Dear Lady of Romania,
I think you have had enough time here and maybe should study your Bible a little more before you make rash decisions about life.
You made the claim that all the people you knew grew up in daycare. I guess it is a class of two cultures, because, all the people I grew up with were in their own homes raised by their parents and I never saw a daycare center until I was 50 years old. I think because you lived when there were daycares, you may assume that is the way life has to be. So if my friends were not in daycare (raised by stay at home moms) and you and your friends were in daycare, which one is valid? You have to have a standard to base it on, not just your own reasoning. The Bible gives a clear role for women to be wives, mothers and homemakers and to be guides and guards of the home.
You were raised by a nanny. I was not. Who is right? Again, you don't give a standard to go by.
You were raised by a nanny but that means you were from a rich family. The people I grew up with had no such thing nor did we ever hear of "nannies" unless it was in an old English novel. WE always thought nannies were something of the past, from the dark ages, so who is living in the past? We were happy to be at home with our mothers, who explained that were rich people who couldn't be bothered to raise their own kids so they hired nannies.
8 hours in daycare? Yes my dear but you overlook the fact they are the most productive, teachable, wonderful hours of the day. After they go home they are tired and so are the mothers. That isn't quality time. The daycare and the workplace get the best of the mother and child, and at home there isn't a lot of energy left.
The child's most teachable moments are during the day when he is influenced the most. The mothers need to be with them then, not after the daycare closes.
There is no double standard when the men go to work to provide for their families. This enables the mother to give her nurturing to the children. Most fathers do not want someone else raising their children and will gladly sacrifice their time to enable the mother to stay home.
As for hiding from real life, don't give me that. It is you who are hiding from real life with real people by escaping the home where your duty and responsiblity lies, and where you are supposed to guard and guide it. You see only those who live the way you are living, but I would strongly urge you to get out and visit these homes and see how the women are managing them and how the family works when the mothers stay home.
What is "eternal childhood" about the hard work and responsibility of raising your own children and looking after your own husband, and taking care of the home? I have never seen a child do it.
As for being dependent on a man, even if something were to happen to a husband, people here have life insurance and retirement plans and many things that give them security should something happen to their husbands. In fact, there is more for them than if they worked all their lives and spent it all.
Not fit for the real problems of life? What are the "real problems" of life? Are you fit to have a lasting marriage? I mean, one that lasts 60 plus years? Are you fit to raise children up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord, according to Ephesians chapter 6? Are you fit to become a widow who teaches younger women to love their husbands and children and keep the home, according to Titus chapter 2?
No one said a homemaker would not be able to earn her own living if her husband died. Rather, they are more qualified to work than most people, from the experience of the home. Many of them find ways of earning money, but like I said, there are securities like retiremnt and insurance that they will get.
You are like Martha, worried about many things, as Jesus said. Instead, you should just be concerned about choosing the "better part." I think at your age you ought to just settle down and have a cup of tea, and study a little more some of the things online...there are single girls here who have links on my blog, that might be a good example and also there are lots of shops to look at (try www.makeminepink.com) and feel the love of the home as you pick out things for it. It is a lot better for you than fighting with people.
Lady Lydia says:
Lady Romania, please go to
http://voxday.blogspot.com/search?q=BITTER+WOMEN This is a page by Vox Day and you can post there. I'm curious to see how far you can get on that particular blog. The men's blogs are not so tolerant with feminist views. It should be quite a challenge to you. The articles are about why women are bitter
paste this in:
http://voxday.blogspot.com/search?q=BITTER+WOMEN
You can also click on the sidebar under "For students and feminists" the article Bitter Women and get there.
Anonymous says:
Just what is meant by not becoming a burden on men? Even if you never marry, you have to be employed by someone, and there is probably a man involved. These days when women divorce, they are a burden on their former husbands for a lifetime, getting a monthly support check, sometimes even when they had no children with the man. I know several women who are double-dipping into men's incomes by divorcing, collecting alimony, marrying again without his knowledge, and still collecting money from him, and on and on. If you are on welfare or any state compensation or state help, you are a burden on someone, particularly many men who give a huge share of their paycheck to taxes to support the welfare system or the state pension system. I would much rather be a burden on a husband and a son than on the state, and I feel I earned it, since I was the one who put away their paychecks into savings accounts and lived simply and helped them get ahead.
Also, if you really are in Romania, don't you have cultural love songs, folk songs, and fairy tells about men and women falling in love? In all those songs and stories, does it ever express that men admire women for their degrees or their careers? Well of course today, they do, and is it any wonder? If they get a woman with a career they can have one more car or boat or man-toy that their own salary might not buy.
Becky says:
I used to think the way that this woman thinks. What helped me change my mind was some very good teaching that I had in the church, and I am not a Protestant or a Catholic. I was blessed to be exposed to the scriptures about loving your husband, and even though I did not have a husband at the time, I learned what it was that drove men away:domineering women who are high minded and not submissive, unfeminine, mouthy, bossy, opinionated, lacking in understanding, as the Bible describes them in Proverbs. After I took a spiritual self examination, I discovered I would have to give up the things that I clung to that I thought defined me. There are some good books and movies and music that inspire love in women that we should be listening too, not the mantra of the feminists today. Feminism just can't get you a happy family with a good husband and nice children. The feminist attitude can't peacefully exist alongside of Christs teachings. Having an attitude about men is wrong. If I had not given up my feminist ways I would not be married today. It was a turning point in my life when I decided to no longer pilot my own way but allow God's word to work in my life. This is hard to understand for women whose lives are not in subjection to Christ, for you are in a different spiritual realm when you are piloting your own ship. You can say you are a Protestant or a Catholic or an Orthodox, but what matters is if you are submissive to the will of God contained in scripture and if you have a personal relationship with Him.
Lady Lydia says:
Becky, your comment reminds me of some films that every feminist should see. In them, is shown the natural differences between men and women, and the inclination of men to take care of women when they are submissive and feminine, even if they are spirited. When I was a teenager there were interesting stories to read about how the bitter women chased away the men, and the sweet ones got a husband. I always tell those who are bitter and upset to watch a good love story or read a good book or listen to some old fashioned music that portrayed men and women when they were naturally attracted to each other and the women weren't trying to be equal. There was a cute movie many years ago called "The Feminist and the Cop" starring Barbara Eden, who thought she didn't need a man. It seems that film makers and story tellers have given up on feminists and no longer write romances like this.
Lady Lydia says:
Lady from Romania,
I am not posting any more of your comments until you digest my own comments here and do the reading assignments that I suggested to you. The Theme Articles actually answer all your concerns and if you would read them, you wouldn't be writing so much. If I answer everything, I'll just be re-writing the theme articles, and I have a house to clean and a garden to keep and food to cook and church duties. I will save your comments for later when I have time to deal with them. Until then I hope you will keep reading some of the links, and especially go to Vox Popoli (click on "Bitter Women") and read all the articles on that page. Maybe one of them will really hit a chord with you and you'll identify with it. Also regarding Understanding Men, you know the equality issue seems to take a back seat when you marry and you care about each other.That's a feminist issue.
Thereby succesfully ending any further debate and managing to look smart in the process!
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